Fiction and Fact - from Gus' Almanac


Who remembers "Fiction and Fact from Sam's Almanac" on the old radio program, Don McNeill's Breakfast Club? Not many of you, I'd guess. That was in the 1940s.

Why do I mention this?

President-elect Donald Trump is keeping the media occupied with his nominees, and I've been following the immigration nominees.

What if I had gone to work for the Border Patrol in 1964? And stayed with it, instead of having so many jobs between then and now? Well, I'd be retired, and maybe The Donald would be calling me to The White House to assist with cleaning out the country. Or maybe not.

In 1964 I applied to the Border Patrol and took the written test, which was a piece of cake for me. It was a combination of language and cop-stuff. I was a Russian-language major, and I also was a part-time cop in a small Iowa town. When I went to the oral interview, the two recruiters told me they had just one question.

"Where did you miss that one question on the test? We never had anyone get a 99 before."

My idea of a first-year Border Patrolman was driving a Jeep along the southern border, towing a trailer with a horse in it, toting a lever-action rifle, and driving Mexicans back across the Rio Grande. Pretty exciting, eh?

The recruiters explained why they were losing so many patrolmen after the first year. The guys love it; their families hate it.

My family would have hated it, so I went on to other things. 

Looking back on my life, if I'd taken the job and if they had just left me alone, everything would have been fine. 

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